What should I do when there’s a death in the family of a Life Group member? This will be the guide to handle many different situations that you might face. In this guide, we will highlight some common scenarios you may encounter and provide the practical help you may need.
A. NO INITIAL ASSISTANCE REQUIRED
When the cell member does not need any assistance in the arrangements for the wakes and funerals. That means there is someone in the family who is probably taking the leadership in making the necessary arrangement. Note: Potentially a Christian handled by other people or non-Christian funeral.
- Contact your Coach who will in turn inform the church about it. If you are unable to reach your Coach, contact the Pastors.
- Contact the rest of your life group and make arrangements to visit the life group members at the wake and even to attend the funeral.
- Contact the life group member again and inform him of the life group’s support and your visit to him. Pray with him at all times and be extra sensitive to the pain and sorrow he is experiencing at that point of time.
B. ASSISTANCE AND ADVICE REQUIRED
When the life group member needs your advice & assistance.
1. Contact your Coach/Pastor and inform him/her of the matter.
Below are some important information & instructions you can provide to the bereaving cell member on what to do in making initial arrangements.
All natural and unnatural deaths mush be certified by a medical doctor.
If the death takes place at home, advise the life group member to
- EITHER : Dial ‘999’ to inform the police that a member of the family has passed away. The police will furnish the contact number for an inspector of death or coroner who will come to the home to certify the cause of death.
- OR : Inform the family doctor should he be the physician treating the prolonged illness of the family member, whereupon he may issue a certificate of cause of death. Unless there is reason to suspect foul play, no post-mortal is required.
- Contact the undertaker – can get recommendation from Pastors/Coaches separately if required.
If the death takes place at a hospital:
- The medical officer on duty or in attendance will certify the cause of death.
- Contact the undertaker to make preparations for the Wake and Funeral services
Undertakers are expected to resolve all … (Clement to get information from Elaine)
C. BEREAVEMENT
Stages experienced by the bereaved:
- Shock
- Strong emotion
- Depression
- Fear
- Guilt
- Anger
- Apathy
- Adjustment
How to help the bereaved:
- Use your ears – Keep them open & listen with patience. Allow them to talk about issues at their own time.
- Use your mouth – Pray for the bereaved and comfort them with words from the Scriptures without preaching.
- Use your compassion – Respond to his feelings and do not discourage grieving process.
- Look out for indications that the bereaved is coming to terms with reality.
- Is the bereaved able to accept the fact of death of the loved one?
- Are the memories of the death gradually becoming positive and creative rather than negative and destructive?
- Is the bereaved able to understand the past and the plans for the future?
5. Keep regular contact with the bereaved family and establish the kind of growing relationship that invites them to share their needs.
(Remember: bereaved people often “bottom out” about six to eight weeks after the funeral).)
Our task as Christian comforters are to help people face grief honestly and courageously and use their painful experience of sorrow and loss as a means of growth.
Note: Church do have Eirini Counselling Centre. For bereavement, do engage Coach/Pastor to get the next steps if counselling is needed.
Preparation of Wake service:
- Life Group Leader to finalize the day and time of the wake and the funeral service. Avoid scheduling the burial or cremation on a Sunday or same day of the deceased.
- Inform Coach/Pastors & Coach/Pastor will arrange people for worship and sharing of word & contact family members on eulogy needed for the wake services
- Life Group Leader to inform the rest of Life Group members & appoint ushers for wake service if needed. Request the Life Group members to support the bereaved member through this period – to pray, and visit. Pray and comfort the bereaved at all times and be extra sensitive to those experiencing the loss.
- Life Group leader to collect the songbooks from the office before the service and responsible for taking them to the wake service and returning them.
Suggested order of service:
The Wake/Funeral Service
- Life Group Leader/Ushers to arrive at the location well in advance of the service 15 minutes early in order to meet family members
- Order of Service:
- Welcome & Opening Prayer
- Worship
- Eulogy
- Words
- Information on next wake/funeral services
- Paying last respect to the deceased at the casket & comforting the family members
Committal Service at the Graveside – information
- Pastor to stand at the head of the casket (ask the funeral director where the head faces before arrival at the cemetery
- Brief remarks, short scripture and word of thanks to mortician for the family
- Committal Prayer
Post Funeral Contact
- Do not forget the bereaved after the funeral. Call on them a week after the burial/cremation.
Guide Towards Better Eulogies
(For Wake Services)
Questions for the family to guide them in writing their eulogy:
- Explain that you are trying to gain a better feel for what that person was like, so you can be more personal.
- What one adjective would you use to describe him?
- Did he have any particular loves or hobbies?
- Did he enjoy any particular songs? Poems? or Scriptures?
- If you could name one value or lesson, he most wanted to teach the next generation, what would it be?
- What one achievement or accomplishment would make his eyes light up when you mentioned it?
- What were some of his favorite phrases or sayings?
- Did he ever put anything up on the wall – a picture or motto that expresses who he was?
- Did he like his first name? Did he have any nicknames?
- Was there a cause or a movement that he felt deeply about and supported with his time and resources?
- If he could have me say one thing during the funeral, what do you think it would be?
- Why do you think this world is a little different because of him?
