Premarital Course
Every Nation Church Malaysia exists to honor God and make disciples. We therefore encourage all courting couples in Every Nation Church Malaysia to honor God in their courtship by allowing a leader / couple to journey with them. The leader / couple is advised to meet the courting couple once in every 2-3 months, going through the 3P’s (refer the below). The courting couple however can seek for advise or meet-up should the need arises prior to the next appointment. After 6 months of courtship, the courting couple is advised to take an online assessment (couple checkup or prepare enrich) to identify the strengths and areas of growths in their relationship. The leader / couple can give feedback to the courting couples during their periodical meet-ups.
About PMC
PMC is a program consisting of 8 sessions to help engaged couples or those exploring to enter into a marriage with strong foundations.
5 of those sessions consist of:
Session 1 – Communication
Learn your personality types and your communication styles.
Session 2 – Commitment
Explore the importance and benefits of committed relationships.
Session 3 – Resolving Conflict
Discover potential relationship challenges and how to tackle them.
Session 4 – Keeping Love Alive
How to maintain the momentum of your relationship.
Session 5 – Shared Goals and Values
Find out what is important to the both of you and develop unity as a couple.
We use the Alpha Course program.
The remaining 3 sessions will be sessions to guide and provide feedback after a couple goes through an Online Assessment—a program by Prepare and Enrich whose mission is to equip marriage champions, couples, and families with evidence-based skills and insights to foster healthy relationships.
A good practice is to conduct PMC a year before your actual marriage date—8 months at the very least. Depending on the availability, we encourage to do a session a month.
The Process
1- The Interview
Every engaged couple interested in PMC will have to set up a meeting with Neil and Hao Ying.
The goal of the interview:
– To know the couples’ backgrounds.
– Reason as to why they want to get married.
– The wedding day.
– To share how PMC works and set expectations.
– Provide email addresses for Online Assessment.
– Extend pastoral care.
2- Assigned To A Facilitator
Overseeing leaders will be assigned to the engaged couple.
Tips for Overseeing Leaders Facilitating PMC
Here are some areas that are important to bring up as you go through the DVD and workbook with the couple.
I. Commitment
* Marriage Time
Many couples have marital issues because they don’t spend time having meaningful communication.
* Leaving And Cleaving Principle
This is particularly crucial to highlight for one party who is very close / connected to his / her parents.
II. Resolving Conflict
* To identify anger issues, if any.
* To identify 2 to 3 main differences.
This is particularly crucial to highlight for couples who have many differences. You are to journey with the couple on the 2 to 3 issues. Questions like, “What if your partner doesn’t change?” and “Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with him / her with this flaw?” are good questions to ask the couple to think about their decision to get married.
* Financial Health
Be bold to ask about their financial status (credit card debts, loans, etc) and wedding budget.
Tools to help couples in resolving conflict:
1. Cooling Stage
– Hitting the pause button.
2. Clarifying Stage
– Identify and articulate the issue.
– Discuss the issue rather than attack each other.
– Avoid labeling.
– Stop using “you always” and “you never”.
– Listen to each other.
3. Chatting Stage (What’s Next)
– Work out possible solutions.
– Choose the best solution.
4. Counseling (if issue continues without solution)
III. Keeping Love Alive
* Past Sexual Experience
To check with the couple prior to the session separately if he / she has had past sexual experience.
* Setting Physical Boundary
Be bold to ask about the couple’s physical closeness and address the issue accordingly.
* Separate Sessions
Counselor may consider having same gender sessions to address the intimacy related issues.
* Q&A
IV. Shared Goals And Values
* Spiritual Health
Counselor to know the couple’s spiritual disciplines and address the issues accordingly.
* Briefly share on child-centered parenting vs god-centered parenting.
* Encourage community living – being part of a LG and attending church service regularly.
We are here to support each other. Feel free to let us know if you have areas to clarify. Your thoughts are always welcomed and valuable. Thanks for serving together!
